(no subject)
Aug. 14th, 2012 11:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alas_a_llamaRight. Advice, guys? For me, not for you - but maybe for you! But I'm hoping that you'll be the ones giving me advice.
You're at a game. A couple of people are doing something which doesn't really involve you, but you're finding triggering, for reasons of past bad stuff (to wit, sexual abuse, and the aftermath of it. Which is all I intend to say about that now, or indeed ever) in your life. And you feel silly saying that, but they are, and you're having a prolonged series of anxiety attacks because of it, you're getting snappish and irritable just in general, and it's - not great.
What do you - by 'you' I actually mean 'I' here, it's a slightly wearisome linguistic foible - do? I've thought about talking to the muns in question, but I'm actually really kind of nervous of their reactions, because I don't trust them not to try to make my life-at-this-game hell. Do I talk to a mod? The mods at the game are top-notch, and although I've never had cause to talk to them before, people who have talked to them about problems are overwhelmingly positive in their descriptions of how they've dealt with things.
I'm actually kind of nervous of talking to anyone about it, beyond this kind of vague journal post (there was an earlier one. I decided to private it two minutes later), because it sounds silly to me, especially since I'm not actually involved in the shenanigans, I'm an outside observer who is just - triggered. Badly. In a way I don't think I actually ever have been before.
(The one person I have talked to about it in detail was very understanding, but still.)
So. Stuff. Yeah. Things. Some advice would be appreciated, perhaps.
You're at a game. A couple of people are doing something which doesn't really involve you, but you're finding triggering, for reasons of past bad stuff (to wit, sexual abuse, and the aftermath of it. Which is all I intend to say about that now, or indeed ever) in your life. And you feel silly saying that, but they are, and you're having a prolonged series of anxiety attacks because of it, you're getting snappish and irritable just in general, and it's - not great.
What do you - by 'you' I actually mean 'I' here, it's a slightly wearisome linguistic foible - do? I've thought about talking to the muns in question, but I'm actually really kind of nervous of their reactions, because I don't trust them not to try to make my life-at-this-game hell. Do I talk to a mod? The mods at the game are top-notch, and although I've never had cause to talk to them before, people who have talked to them about problems are overwhelmingly positive in their descriptions of how they've dealt with things.
I'm actually kind of nervous of talking to anyone about it, beyond this kind of vague journal post (there was an earlier one. I decided to private it two minutes later), because it sounds silly to me, especially since I'm not actually involved in the shenanigans, I'm an outside observer who is just - triggered. Badly. In a way I don't think I actually ever have been before.
(The one person I have talked to about it in detail was very understanding, but still.)
So. Stuff. Yeah. Things. Some advice would be appreciated, perhaps.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-14 10:50 am (UTC)Well, okay, I-as-me would be more likely to just quietly leave the game and never return, but! If it is a game which is fun for you and you would like to continue playing there without getting triggered anymore, it looks like talking to the mods would be a solution conducive to that result!
Also, would you like a hug? <3
Also also, if it should ever transpire that the person doing something that makes you uncomfortable is me, you may freely tell me so and I will quit that or take it to locked posts or put colourful warnings on all future instances, as is appropriate to the circumstances.
PS: It does not sound silly to me at all. At all at all. Getting triggered is not silly; it is an involuntary response, and also pretty terrible to experience! I know this because of my learnings. The firsthand variety.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-14 11:01 am (UTC)1) Talk to the muns. If you can, come to them with ways they can make the plot not triggering, like "put a warning on your threads. For a while these characters need to not interact with my characters," or whatever you need to make the plot in question less visible to you.
If it's a game I'm familiar with, then you'll have other players on your side who are likely to help resist any attempts at backlash against you.
2) Talk to the mods. Tell them which plot it is, and if you have talked to the muns, explain their reaction.
Good luck ILU!
no subject
Date: 2012-08-14 03:58 pm (UTC)Maybe write out your concerns in an email, something that's less emotionally charged first and send that before talking. That way when the reaction comes, it won't be perhaps as immediate and I'm not doing that. Or if not that find some way to make the discussion comfortable for you. Good luck.